Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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