Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
