The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
