I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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