Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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