i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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