sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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