we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize