bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
