Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
