this just has baby written all over it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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