just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
