I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize