Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize