i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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