I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize