I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drake has all the answers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Btw I puked in your glovebox
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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