roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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