anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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