We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
