Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
