I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
