my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize