i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
