The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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