alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i think i just lost a toe
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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