I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
