it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
