What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
