Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
nutella sex= disaster
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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