if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
