3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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