You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
