i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
