If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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