So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize