And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
