Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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