Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
