just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
