I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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