How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
