this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
