i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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