omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
