none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
