Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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