Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
