And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
