Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
