so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
