Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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