Dual....:-)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
