Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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