At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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