1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
