we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
