when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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