Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
