If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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