if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize