i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
