the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
