Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
