I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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