I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
