i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
