Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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