I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
