was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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