I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
