Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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