Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
