Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
