you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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