Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
