Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
