So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
